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For giving’s sake

“…give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.” – Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet.

I volunteer fairly regularly with a charity that I also used to work for. Last night was a pre-event meet-the-crew do at their South Melbourne office, with about 50 volunteers, mostly musos, choreographers and giggly interns from the PR company hired to promote the upcoming gala ball.

Then there were people like myself, there to make sure that the CEOs, socialites and celebrities attending give more than they’re already paying, and perhaps feel as though they’re getting their money’s worth.

I already help with web-related things where possible and may have volunteered myself to redo their email newsletter, but these gala events provide an unusual night of observational entertainment for volunteers. The $20 glasses of champagne look cheaper to guests as the night goes on, and bids on the silent auction increase almost exponentially. As do the chances of catching the rich and famous at their very worst while dressed in their very best.

So there’s something in it for everyone. Those of you who’ve read Richard Dawkins’ The Selfish Gene (or are just plain cynical) will argue that there’s no such thing as an unselfish act of charity anyway. This was strikingly clear from a few men I talked to, who were blatant about their reasons for volunteering. Chicks, booze and free food.

Even when they spoke to the CEO of the charity, they toned down their language but couldn’t hide their disinterest in what the charity does, and had honestly done it because it was compulsory for them to (company policy), and it looked like the least stressful volunteering opportunity with maximum perve opportunity.

They have no idea what they’re in for. Especially they chose to trust little ‘ole me on which roles on the night were “the lightest”. I pretended to give it some thought and pointed at something on the list going round. They didn’t even question me and ticked the box.

I winked at the charity CEO as they signed up and she smiled back benevolently, returning a wink over their backs. For the roles they’ve ticked, not only will they be working hard carrying things around, they’ll be the first to arrive and last to leave. Plenty of time to perve. Such charitable fellows.

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The great train escape

I got to the train station today in time to  witness a tableaux of escape and trickery to make John Candy proud.

There was a schoolkid sitting on one of the benches. Next to him was a man in a navy bomber jacket.

Schoolkid was leaning slightly away from Bomber-guy, his eyes darting about self-consciously. Bomber-guy wobbled slightly, more prepared to be in a horizontal position than vertical.

There was a second fella in a jumper who was shouting into Bomber’s ear, “Yer gotta git orf at North Melbourne if yer wanna git ter Dandenong. Ya hear? NORTH MELBOURNE.”

Suddenly, his eyes brightened. In a spark of inspiration, Jumper-fella turned to the schoolkid, “Now YOU make sure ‘e gits orf at North Melbourne, awright? Jest shove ‘im orf or somthin’.”

“Uh…” hesitated Schoolkid, unsure of why he had to be involved.

I found a seat close enough eavesdrop while pretending to read. Bomber was WAY off his chops, slurring his words, his eyes always on the verge of closing, but he still attempted to make small talk anyway.

Very small talk. Asking a 13-year-old schoolboy things like, “Why yis wanna studyin’ fer?” probably won’t get you definite answers.

The kid said, “Uh, I dunno,” eliciting a bark of laughter and spittle from Bomber.

I looked up in their direction and caught the eye of Schoolkid, who looked very amused, yet embarassed and uncertain. Why me, indeed.

Our train came, and Jumper-fella scooted as far away down the platform as he could, leaving the poor Schoolkid alone with Bomber.

Schoolkid obediently got in a carriage with Bomber anyway. I tagged along  behind and sat close by while they stood by the door.

As soon as we got to the next station, Schoolkid turned to Bomber, “Now, this is my stop, but you have to remember, get off at North Melbourne, ok? That’s 3 stops away. Count 3 stops.”

Then he leaped off the train. With a triumphant grin, his little legs whirring, he sped off down the platform and I caught a brief glimpse of his blue-and-red striped blazer as he successfully ducked into the next carriage, on the same train, wrenched free from the responsibility foisted unfairly upon him.

I continued pretending to read, albeit with a huge smile.

And the guy in the bomber jacket never got off at North Melbourne.

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Partners in Lindy crime

Like every good community project that moves towards corporate segmentation, I would like introduce Swingarody, our resident swing multimedia expert extraordinaire.

Rody is the cheerful catalyst who watered my Herrang seed. Here’s hoping that this will snowball, and we’ll continue to add Herrang-bound bloggers in the lead-up to 2009 for a detailed account of the Herrang experience while it happens, for different perspectives.

Pay him a visit and fire Swingarody’s tragic swing addiction further.

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